Facade . .

Fa · cade / fe - 'säd / n /

2 : a false , superficial , or artificial appearance or effect ;
often deceptive .

The thoughts that i can't form into words float around my head
like balloons with paperweights tied to the bottom of them ; They are freely floating around , but aren't going anywhere . These thoughts that only make sense inside my mind make them hard to explain even to myself . & for the ones i can understand , i won't allow to pass my lips because they are traits of a person that im not , nor want to become . I entrap my thoughts , ideas , feelings & emotions inside by the will of my own conscience . But wen yu keep things bottled up for too long ; The pressure is bound to make the bottle pop . So i play along like its halloween & hide everything i don't want people to see behind an invisible mask i call :

a smile .

First Things Second . .

i completely skipped the introduction to my whole blog . i really don't kno how to introduce it ; do i introduce myself too ? idk , i guess i will then . im joey , im 16 , im really reserved & dnt tend to get that loud . i have a lot to say , juss not comfortable or confident enough to say all of it ; but im worken on that . i like to express myself in writing a lil more i think . wen im writing , on paper or on anything else , i tend to think on the paper or on the keyboard ; like to write watever im thinken down & go from there . another thing i noticed , is that wen i talk sometimes , my lips can't match the speed of which the words come out of my mouth since i talk really fast sometimes & start to mumble . since im a quiet guy , im not the type to raise my voice or try to start anything . im juss " in the cut " most of the time according to some of my friends . since im " in the cut " , i observe & as my friend spence wud say " peep " a lot of stuff . i noticed that wit my last post , some of my friends liked it , sayen it was " beautiful " because they never seen me vent like that before , while some asked why i was so mad for ? & there were some which i kno that didn't enjoy it at all . here's the thing ; i didn't post it for it to be offensive or targeted at a specific person ; i put it out there so everybody wud kno exactly wat i was thinken & juss didnt say . now yu can IMagine how i was feeling that day . i wrote that
poSt Out of Rage since i ReallY ddnt have anyone to vent to .so i
apoloGize If it BotheRed ANd / or offended yu . but on a brighter note , i think im goen to like bloggen . im a natural at writing ( & bullshitting ) . if i ever have to do an essay for class or something on any subject , i wait till the day before its due & do it at like 10pm or the day wen its due & hand it in a day late . & 9 out of 10 times i always end up wit at least an 85 . i think im done for now since this is my second like full page post ; but follow me if yu like wat i talk about , if yu like how i talk or juss like me (: but next post is a lil different because im letten yu guys inside my head a lil bit . oh man ! i juss realized i have to tell yu guys the meaning behind my blog & url names ; well that will be another time too .

I Told Yall I Was Goen Off . . .

yesterday started out good , then went to bad , then to worse . it started good & i soon became the outcast ; the 5th wheel , ironically at my own house . i tried to escape it ; but a good friend wudnt have it . after some brief conversation , things went back to being the same . a defense mechanism of mine i guess is to run ; to go & be alone , to think things over . after that , my house went from " my house " , to " public pool / play area wit free food " . not that i have a problem if its my friends , but wen random people & people I've never seen before get thrown it , i don't dig it . with 24 people in all including myself , i soon get drowned back into the cut , once agen . with myself being forced to talk to the only other person i cud ; my brother . as some of yu kno , me & my brother have no type of " brothership " or friendship , whatsoever , so talken to him wasn't the easiest thing to do . & im not the type of guy to raise my voice as all of yu kno ; so my mind grew weaker & i cudnt handle it much longer . i juss wanted to close my eyes & for everything to be gone ; but life doesn't work like that . then wen people decide to elect themselves to drink beer / liquor from out yur fridge & comeback half tipsy 20 mins later acten up , it makes me think twice . an obvious divide was drawn between me & everyone else , which made even my family ask me if i even knew these people or not . tryen to include me in 1 thing ( yea count it ) made me think if it was juss kus they felt pity for me . towards the end of the night , things gradually got better , but it still remained the only people who really knew me or gave enuff effort to push thru my angered exterior , were A , K , T , & M . like demi lovato , i Dont Forget & im not that type of person to forgive that easily & if yu really kno me , yu kno shit really gets to me . the time to drive kelli home came & while driving out , i didn't get any type of " thanks " or " bye " , or at least not that i herd . grimey . i got over it kus i was in my comfort zone ; driving , far away . returning home , all still posted , clearly see me ; nothen once agen , besides one . fool me once , shame on yu ; fool me twice , shame on me . & i was there for a good couple mins . grimey . shit gets to me . i always thought i shud get a blog ; & the thing is , nobody gotta kno about it either , juss as long as i get shit out there . but the reason why i put this out here is kus i want it to be seen . out of about 20 people , i thank 4 for being authentic ( A , K , T & M ) & of course my long distance ones ( L & GR ) . am i being a lil to harsh ? well maybe now i finally found that IDGAF attitude I've been searching for . the only good thing that came out of today is that , me & my bro established a foundation for a friendship . but now this morning , things went back to the same " fck yu joey " attitude . i think i got everything out . but i kno after this , ill probably be left wit any kind of bros as a result :-/ . but anyways thanks for reading this long ass thing if yu actually did . ;-)